just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
