he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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