I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
