no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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