it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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