You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize