i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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