I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
