Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
