we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
