Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
