Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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