I met the friendliest cop last night
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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