You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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