you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
