Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
