I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
