i think my mom watched the whole time
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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