omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
