Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
