you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
