I am spending my child support on dildos
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
