youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
