I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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