If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
