also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
