I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
