Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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