she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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