Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
