before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
