I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
