Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
