what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
