I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
