Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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