your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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