margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
