So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
