She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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