I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
