I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize