I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
