The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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