but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
