ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize