Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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