i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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