it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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