Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize