i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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