I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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