What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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