you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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