On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
