if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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