he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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