I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
