i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
