is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
