i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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