the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
