are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
