The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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