Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
