Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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