I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
