My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
