I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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