just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My feet surprised me
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