Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
