he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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