when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
