there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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