I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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